For more than a decade, my work has centered on a simple truth: Awareness changes everything.

Whether I am helping adults uncover the patterns that keep them stuck or exploring how children communicate emotional complexity, I have seen the same principle again and again:We cannot change, express, or communicate what we cannot first recognize.

‍For years, I helped people discover what was happening beneath the surface of their thoughts, behaviors, emotions, and nervous system responses. Lasting change rarely began with effort. It began with awareness.

That same understanding led me to a question I could not ignore: What if children are already experiencing emotional complexity, and the challenge is not the feeling—it's the communication? The more I explored that question, the more I realized that emotional experience may arrive before emotional language. And perhaps children, like all of us, are wanting a way of communicating big feelings.They just need a bridge.

And THIS is so key, so vital...sometimes the most important thing a child can say is something they cannot yet put into words. And although we start here, what if the challenge is not emotional awareness—but emotional communication?

When my children were babies, I taught them sign language. Not because they had nothing to say. Because they had more to say than spoken language could yet support.They could show me they wanted more before they could say "more."They could show me they were finished before they could say "all done."The experience existed before the words.That experience stayed with me. Because what if emotions work the same way?

Children Don't Experience Less Emotional Complexity. Children are often viewed through the lens of: They don't know enough yet.They can't explain enough yet.They don't understand enough yet. But what if the issue is not the absence of emotional knowledge? What if children are already feeling layered, mixed, nuanced, and difficult to describe emotions? Children may not have fewer emotions.They may simply have fewer ways to communicate them.

Behavior May Be the Communication. When language is unavailable, behavior often becomes the messenger. A child who cannot explain what is happening internally may communicate through:withdrawal, clinginess, avoidance, tears, frustration, acting out, shutting down. (adults may see themselves here too) The behavior itself may not be the problem.The behavior may be carrying information the child cannot yet articulate.

Different Way of Thinking About Emotional Communication. My work begins with the belief that emotional experiences already exist.The opportunity is discovery. Recognition. Expression. Communication. Connection. Children are already communicating. Sometimes they simply need additional ways to show us what is already there. (Obviously, adults can also struggle to explain exactly what they are feeling as well. EMjQ is a tool/bridge for all ages.)

My Emojinal Intelligence (EMjQ). These ideas led to the creation of My Emojinal Intelligence (EMjQ). EMjQ was designed around a simple premise: Emotions do not require vocabulary to exist. Through visual emotional expression, children can explore, recognize, and communicate emotional experiences without needing the perfect words. Because sometimes awareness comes before language. Sometimes understanding comes before explanation. And sometimes the most important thing a child can say is something they cannot yet put into words.

My Philosophy is simply that: Awareness creates possibility. Awareness creates choice. Awareness creates connection.Whether working with adults, children, emotions, behavior, health, or communication, I continue to return to the same belief: Awareness First. Words Not Necessary.

About Lois
Lois Payne is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) through the International Coaching Federation with more than a decade of experience helping people create lasting change. Her background includes functional medicine coaching, behavior change, nervous system regulation, Rapid Transformational Therapy®, and HeartMath®. Her work explores the relationship between awareness, emotional communication, behavior, and transformation.